


the animal that wins has got to-

by ShippingEverything



Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series), The Lorax (2012)
Genre: Business, M/M, Politics, hand kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29151453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippingEverything/pseuds/ShippingEverything
Summary: The Once-ler widens his eyes as his gaze meets his mother’s trying to best express“Hello? This is cake?”to her with his facial expression. His mother raises her chin and her lips tighten into a not-quite-scowl as she steps closer to him.or: a business deal between the once-ler and candia
Relationships: The Once-ler/Calroy Cruller
Comments: 22
Kudos: 9





	the animal that wins has got to-

**Author's Note:**

> hi sorry for using my powers for evil but also I wont stop :heart:
> 
> title from biggering, a cut song from the lorax

When his mother calls him back to his office after a long day of meetings with a _“Come here right this instant, Onesie”_ the last thing the Once-ler expects to see is a triangular prism with legs sitting in front of his desk. He stops in the doorway, taking in the icing, the fancy pants, the hat-topped strawberry. He widens his eyes as his gaze meets his mother’s trying to best express _“Hello? This is cake?”_ to her with his facial expression. His mother raises her chin and her lips tighten into a not-quite-scowl as she steps closer to him.

“Excuse me, Lord Cruller,” She says, and the whole cake sort of- nods? Moves in response. The Once-ler is deeply disturbed and intrigued. His mother steps into his space, close enough that the Once-ler wants to take a step back -- he doesn’t, though, he knows by now that if he does, she’ll just follow and get even angrier. She grabs his tie and pulls him down until they’re nearly eye-level, the Once-ler’s back curving almost uncomfortably. “This is an _important_ dignitary from across the sea.”

“Do they have business hours across the sea or is he purposefully being rude?” The Once-ler asks, half-rhetoric. It’s well-past six now and he thinks he’s allowed to be a little bitter about not being home, lying in his big empty bed and relishing in the silence, by now.

“No backtalk,” She hisses, face severe. “He wants to make an order for the _royal family_ of his nation. Do you know how big that would be for me- for _us_? Celebrity endorsements are all well and good but a _queen_ wearing your thneed? Can you imagine it?”

He can. It would be- Well, it would certainly be a boost to the company, the corporate sign. He can imagine one of his thneeds draped alongside jewels that cost more than the Once-ler can even conceptualize, a king giving a speech with a thneed shirt on, tiny little royal babies galavanting around with thneed jump ropes; it’s all very nearly intoxicating. “Yes.”

“Good, now go over there and _sell it_.” She snaps, pushing the Once-ler. He stumbles forward as his mother walks out and shuts the door. The Once-ler forces a smile, rolling his shoulder back until he’s standing again at his full height. The cake is standing too, now, his hands laced under his pointed head. He smiles, and the Once-ler is startled by how charming it is.

“Lord Calroy Cruller,” The cake, Calroy, introduces, putting a hand out. The Once-ler puts his in Calroy’s.

“I’m the Once-ler.”

“My pleasure,” Calroy says, his head bending oddly as he- _as he presses a quick, spongy cake kiss onto the back of the Once-ler’s hand_. The Once-ler feels a flush, uncontrollable, rise to his face at the action.

“It’s nice,” The Once-ler says, voice too high, too revealing. He clears his throat and continues. “It’s nice to meet you as well.”

Calroy’s smile grows even as he follows the Once-ler’s gesture back to his desk. The Once-ler bends down to retrieve folders from a drawer in his desk, taking the moment to clear his head as he does. _He is cake_ , the Once-ler reminds himself, forcing his cheeks to cool, _He may be a lord but he’s no better than you, you don’t have to be nervous about him_. The Once-ler repeats that last part again mentally, firmly calms his nerves, and rises back above the desk, where Calroy has been patiently waiting. In his hand, the Once-ler has the basic thneed selling contract; he’s sure it’ll have to be edited to fit the royal family’s needs, it almost _always_ needs edits, as it’s the same draft his mother first made for him when he was still selling individual thneeds to individual people.

“So,” He asks, ready and confident again, “What’s the royal family looking for?”

Calroy hums, “Well, they’re not entirely sure.” The Once-ler raises an eyebrow, wondering if this would be easier than expected, before Calroy waves a hand dismissively. “That’s fine though, I have permission to act for them and I, Mr. Once-ler, always know what I want.”

“And you want?”

Calroy pauses for a moment, just a bit too long to be casual, as his eyes linger on the Once-ler. “I want what’s best for my country, of course.”

The Once-ler clears his throat, suddenly dry, “Of course.”

He passes the contract over to Lord Cruller and, when asked, gives him a pen as well so he fan annotate and note parts that must be changed. After a moment, he hands it back and the Once-ler can’t hold back his scoff.

“You think I’ll let myself be taken like this?”

“I apologize, I’m sure you’d like to be taken with more dignity,” Calroy says, and it half feels like a joke at his expense. “Listen, I’m willing to negotiate but House Rocks has one so far they’re willing to bend. They barely even know what they’ve sent me to acquire, after all.”

“But you know,” The Once-ler asks, though it barely comes out like a question, “You came here because you know what a thneed is and what it can do.”

Calroy inclines his massive head in recognition of the reasoning. “I do. I also came because the Rocks would be distressed about your… practices.”

“My practices?”

“They’re sentimental. All this smog and ruin outside would upset my King,” Calroy says. His hands don’t quite roll but it feels like it’s a close thing. “I understand what’s necessary to move up, to build yourself into a better place in this world. I don’t particularly care what you do to the environment, as long as you can deliver the goods.”

The Once-ler blinks in surprise. He, though he’d rather die than admit, is disturbed by the world he sees from his window -- progress marches ever on but the cost… the Once-ler has never quite reconciled that with himself, no matter what he might insist.

“I can certainly deliver,” The Once-ler says, despite the twist of his stomach.

Calroy grins, slow but bright, “Good. I think we can make a deal.”

They work over the contract for over an hour, prodding word choice and intent until its something they’re both equally unhappy -- a perfect democracy. When the Once-ler shakes Calroy’s hand, he’s smiling despite the tense negotiations.

“Wonderful doing business with you,” The Once-ler says, and Calroy nods. He catches the Once-ler’s hand and leans his head down, lips upon the Once-ler once again. He lingers longer this time, or maybe the Once-ler is focusing more on the warmth and softness of Calroy’s lips, the hot brush of breath from his nose.

“I’m glad to have been given the opportunity to meet you,” Calroy says after he’s released the Once-ler. The Once-ler hasn’t quite frozen but he’s certainly- shaky.

A spirit of spontaneity strikes him and he bends, almost in half to get to the correct height, and presses a kiss onto the back of Calroy’s hand. “You as well.”

Calroy laughs, shocked but bright. “I know our paths and unlikely to pass again, but truly, I do hope to meet you again.”

As the slice of cake leaves his office, the Once-ler slumps down into his desk chair. He also, desperately and embarrassingly, wishes to see Calroy again.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks sm for reading, sorry again
> 
> [Main Tumblr (pldubrahs)](http://www.pldubrahs.tumblr.com) | [Writing Tumblr (nacreousglowclouds)](http://nacreousglowclouds.tumblr.com/) | [Twitter (@squidias)](http://twitter.com/squidias)


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